Bonding

Austin and I went and took a 2 day vacation away for ourselves this weekend. Nope, we're not married. Yes, we stayed pure. We just needed time to bond away from the stresses of the world around us. We went down to our wedding location to look around at different little spots for the wedding, and we used the excuse to have a night away. Our wedding destination is 7 hours away from where we live, and it was quite the drive there. We drove 14 hours just to get the 18 hours of solace. We had time to talk and goof off in the car, relax, nap and just be ourselves. It was the most fun we've had in such a long time. Something happened in this trip. Austin and I got to have time alone. We didn't have to pretend to be something we weren't because we were with each other. He knows me better than anyone else. He knows my deepest secrets, fears, aspirations, and I know his. We were able to bond in such a deep, intimate way! It was spectacular!! There's something about being in a place so far away that has no phone service, no computers, no media that is so refreshing. There were things we needed to talk about that were much nicer topics in the safety of trees and rock. We walked over 12 miles between Saturday and Sunday. My fiance is Superman. He carried his backpack, tent, a yoga mat, and a Camelback all by himself up rocks and cliffs, and then when we were done, he built a tent, and hiked right back down. The sweat along his brow, the determination in his face was fierce. It was absolutely fascinating. I am so proud of my man. Austin is the kind of person who won't back down when he wants something to get done. He's also very soft-spoken, caring, kind. He takes time away from situations to think over them. I'm a spit-fire, and a stubborn one at that. He completes me perfectly! God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me this wonderful man. Austin and I are huge on quality time. We were in a long distance relationship for almost two years, and it was hard on us. The fact that he took the time to drive us down somewhere far away just for 18 hours alone with me is huge! He wanted to bond with me. Sunday evening when we came back, we were all smiles. Taking time to be alone with your spouse is one of the most important things you can ever do. We had a personal Bible study for over 3 hours on Saturday. Austin can be SO passionate about the way he feels when it comes to God. I love to watch him worship and pray. He's such a wonderful leader in our relationship, and being alone nourished that part of him. You and your man can have a great relationship while being around other people, sure! But take time for yourselves every once in a while. We've decided recently to make sure and take a trip alone every two months before the wedding to just be "Austin and Shea" not "Austin the audio engineer/student/son/brother/friend/confidant/fiance and Shea the ballet dancer/physical therapist/student/big sister/friend/confidant/fiance/blogger." Spend the money to do that. Even if you just pack up a tent and go, that is totally fine! Camp in a national park and bring along granola bars or something! Just do it. The outcome following that in your relationship is staggering.

Give him room to grow

Even when you're married, you and your husband are growing, not only as a couple, but as individuals. As wives, we are supposed to be their emotional safe place. We are to make it to where they can relax, rest, think, and be themselves. We must give them room to grow. We should create an atmosphere where the process can proceed. Men need a safe haven. Austin works in a very loud, stressful environment, and he is a very calm, quiet human being. He doesn't enjoy being in a loud environment-needless to say, he doesn't like to go to parties but once or twice a year! As women, we tend to want to know everything before it happens, and then we want to know exactly how it went. We can make work stressful for our men just by asking about it! When he first gets home, don't give him the Spanish Inquisition. We like to take every free moment and talk. By doing that, we've in turn made coming home stressful. instead of looking forward to leaving work to come and see their wives, they're looking forward to getting away from work and home. Now, by "room to grow" I do not mean ignoring him for the first hour when he gets home, and then bombarding him with relentless questions of "how was work?" and "what exactly did you eat for lunch???" Allow him time to tell you for once! *gasp* I've learned that there is a right and wrong time to talk about stressful situations with my man. I'm doing my best to learn how to create a safe, warm, food-filled home for Austin. It nourishes his soul, himself, and our relationship. He needs our home to be a place of relaxation; a place of love; a place full of all of his needs. I don't want him looking elsewhere for these things.

Men are NOT mind readers

Austin and I have those days every once in a while where nothing seems to be going right. We all have them! But there are just those times where I get so upset, and don't voice why! He gets so confused because all of a sudden, I've closed off into my own little shell, and don't want to talk. He wonders what he did wrong when I'm actually upset that I burned the bread. Men are not mind readers. As women, we are very sensitive to the way others feel around us, and we aren't used to knowing something aside from an instinctively nurturing nature. Men aren't that. When we shy away from the advances to fix what's wrong, they view that as "I've done something to upset her, now the only problem is WHAT did I do?" Thus leading to our men beinge utterly confused. Now they have a problem to solve, and no way to solve it. They're going into all of this blind. Now, how do we help them? First off, we have to realize that our guys are problem solvers. I know you've probably heard that a million times, but lets just say it again: out men are problem solvers. They want to help us!!! They love us, and want to make us feel happy and special! Do you think they want us to be giving them the silent treatment? By the way, the answer to my rhetorical question was NO. Next, I'm going to ask you to do something hard: Say sorry. "I'm sorry" has the potential to be the hardest thing you will ever say in the history of life and marriage, but it could br the thing to save your marriage and friendships, so start learning to say Tell him what has you so upset! He is there to help you and love you. Hr wants to support you, and make you happy, but if you're going to force him to read your mind, neither of you will accomplish anything. You can save yourself from SO many fights if you engrave those words into your mind this very instant. If I could tattoo that on the eyelids of every woman alive, I would do it this very moment, and pay my own m Go read this book. Do it now. http://www.amazon.com/Reader-Brilliant-Insights-Fabulous-Marriage/dp/0784725624/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335816098&sr=8-1-fkmr1